Makeoutclub - Boards

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 13th, 2008 - 4:20 PM

Also: hi, been a while.

Alright I can't ask this anywhere else because everywhere else that I might ask, people involved in the issue would see it.

As most of you know, back in December my gf of 4 years and I split.
The last couple weeks, I've been seeing (by which I mean, the past two saturday nights, not like constantly seeing) that is an ex of a friend of mine, by like a week before the first sat, so very recently (and yes, he gave me his blessing). Anyway, yesterday she comes to me and says a line I'm sure many of you have heard at one point or another, "I am not ready for another relatinoship (or anything leading to one), I'm emotionally burned out/etc." Legit, assuming it's honest (which I have every reason to believe it is... it was a bad breakup). But it's the death knell for me continuing to see her.

So, the advice I'm seeking... I've been thinking I should call/msg/whatever her and say something along the lines of... ya know, let's still go out next week like we originally planned, no expectations, etc.

I seriously doubt that'll work, but i can't think of anything else to say. What do you guys think?

Frederaly

SOUTH LAKE TAHOE/CA
Joined: 02/12/08
Posts: 278

February 13th, 2008 - 4:24 PM

i think girls will always look for a relationship, even if they say they arent.... so ask her to hang out like friends... then work your magic slowly...

that is a lot of work though. you might as well find a new chick that says she wants a relationship.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 13th, 2008 - 4:29 PM

I don't know who you are... n00b? But you're correct.

I'm not necessarily looking for a relationship even, and this thing with her was totally out of the blue, totally unexpected. But I don't want to lose it already, she'd be good for me. Very different type of girl. MOC would like her.

carly_cat

Calgary
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 570

February 13th, 2008 - 4:41 PM

alphadan Said:

Also: hi, been a while.

Alright I can't ask this anywhere else because everywhere else that I might ask, people involved in the issue would see it.

As most of you know, back in December my gf of 4 years and I split.
The last couple weeks, I've been seeing (by which I mean, the past two saturday nights, not like constantly seeing) that is an ex of a friend of mine, by like a week before the first sat, so very recently (and yes, he gave me his blessing). Anyway, yesterday she comes to me and says a line I'm sure many of you have heard at one point or another, "I am not ready for another relatinoship (or anything leading to one), I'm emotionally burned out/etc." Legit, assuming it's honest (which I have every reason to believe it is... it was a bad breakup). But it's the death knell for me continuing to see her.

So, the advice I'm seeking... I've been thinking I should call/msg/whatever her and say something along the lines of... ya know, let's still go out next week like we originally planned, no expectations, etc.

I seriously doubt that'll work, but i can't think of anything else to say. What do you guys think?

yeah it can't hurt to call and say let's hang out no expectations!

todger

HUNTINGTON BEACH/CA
Joined: 11/14/07
Posts: 2475

February 13th, 2008 - 4:42 PM

dude don't bother beating a dead horse

find a better chick

idunnolols

CORONA/CA
Joined: 12/01/07
Posts: 3504

February 13th, 2008 - 5:01 PM

i guess it must be me but i read that like 4 times and i have no idea what you just said....

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 13th, 2008 - 5:06 PM

todger Said:

dude don't bother beating a dead horse

find a better chick

haha well it isn't like I'm not lookin!

carly_cat Said:

yeah it can't hurt to call and say let's hang out no expectations!

That's what I figure, just wish I could come up withs ome way to say it that had a better chance of success.

She actually msg'd me randomly after I posted this, then disappeared again.

elizaelectric

NEW YORK/NY
Joined: 07/05/07
Posts: 3961

February 13th, 2008 - 5:08 PM

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

beardofdoom

SEMINOLE/FL
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2709

February 13th, 2008 - 5:09 PM

let her come to you.

it's like field of dreams man, just give it time...

theryan

BOSTON/MA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 6072

February 13th, 2008 - 5:12 PM

that's huge that you sought the thumbs up from your buddy.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 13th, 2008 - 5:15 PM

elizaelectric Said:

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

Well, it's getting her to hang out with me again that's the problem at this point.

howmanyhellos

OAKHURST/NJ
Joined: 02/10/08
Posts: 25

February 13th, 2008 - 5:18 PM

alphadan Said:

elizaelectric Said:

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

Well, it's getting her to hang out with me again that's the problem at this point.

maybe just let it go. sometimes "i don't want a relationship right now" is just another way of saying "i don't want a relationship WITH YOU" or "i don't ever want to hang out again"

elizaelectric

NEW YORK/NY
Joined: 07/05/07
Posts: 3961

February 13th, 2008 - 5:20 PM

But I thought you guys had mutual friends?

thewickerman

VANCOUVER
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7448

February 13th, 2008 - 5:25 PM

Dan,

Send her a text message. If she's not down to hang out this weekend, don't message or even call her. Wait until she gets back to you. If she never gets back to you, you know exactly what that means.

I CALL THAT PLAYING IT SAFE AND COOL AT THE SAME TIME.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 13th, 2008 - 5:33 PM

howmanyhellos Said:

alphadan Said:

elizaelectric Said:

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

Well, it's getting her to hang out with me again that's the problem at this point.

maybe just let it go. sometimes "i don't want a relationship right now" is just another way of saying "i don't want a relationship WITH YOU" or "i don't ever want to hang out again"

Quite correct. If that's the case, there's no hope. She did tell a friend of mine that she wasn't doing it just to get back at her ex, that she found me smart & attractive (her words), so I have reason to believe that's not the case. That being said, what she said could be horseshit anyway and you could certainly be right.

elizaelectric Said:

But I thought you guys had mutual friends?

Well, she was going out with one of my fraternity brothers. She also was friends with another, that she's no longer friends with. She also has facebook contact with many of the others. But I'm not sure how any of that helps me. Hanging out with a group is nowhere close to us hanging out.

thewickerman Said:

Dan,

Send her a text message. If she's not down to hang out this weekend, don't message or even call her. Wait until she gets back to you. If she never gets back to you, you know exactly what that means.

I CALL THAT PLAYING IT SAFE AND COOL AT THE SAME TIME.

Yeah, I was going to send her a facebook msg or AIM msg (or possibly text, thats' harder to sound good in though) saying basically, let's go out next week and have dinner, no expectations, just let's have fun. I think there's maybe a 5% chance she'd respond to that, but I can't think of any better ideas.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 13th, 2008 - 5:34 PM

Oh, and I was going to do it tomorrow, btu debating whether or not doing it on valentines day is actually a smart idea.

thewickerman

VANCOUVER
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7448

February 13th, 2008 - 5:41 PM

howmanyhellos Said:

alphadan Said:

elizaelectric Said:

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

Well, it's getting her to hang out with me again that's the problem at this point.

maybe just let it go. sometimes "i don't want a relationship right now" is just another way of saying "i don't want a relationship WITH YOU" or "i don't ever want to hang out again"

This is what you should be worried about.

You don't want to be the guy who doesn't get it that constantly tries every week.

This is why the text message thing is safe. Or even better, just call her and ask her if she wants to hang out this weekend, and if she doesn't, do the "Oh, alright. That's cool. Well, maybe some other time then.", and never call back.

If she gives a shit, she'll remember that you're waiting.

Oh, and i'm also surprised that elizaelectric mentioned the flirting in front of a girl move. Smart. But it won't get you anywhere if she's not interested.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 13th, 2008 - 5:44 PM

I totally agree with everything you have said here. If she's actually not interested, it's all irrelevant. I'm just acting on it assuming she is. Basically, I have one chance (assuming she's interested in any way) to try again, after that I have no intention of trying again, because I'd just be that guy.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 13th, 2008 - 5:46 PM

also a matter of what to say, wheter to just say 'let's go have dinner as friends' versus 'timing sucks, but we like each other, let's go have dinner, no expectations but let's see how things go'

thewickerman

VANCOUVER
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7448

February 13th, 2008 - 5:46 PM

alphadan Said:

I totally agree with everything you have said here. If she's actually not interested, it's all irrelevant. I'm just acting on it assuming she is. Basically, I have one chance (assuming she's interested in any way) to try again, after that I have no intention of trying again, because I'd just be that guy.

Precisely.

todger

HUNTINGTON BEACH/CA
Joined: 11/14/07
Posts: 2475

February 13th, 2008 - 5:57 PM

SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 13th, 2008 - 6:20 PM

Could be.

myheadphones

OTTAWA/ON
Joined: 10/08/07
Posts: 2541

February 13th, 2008 - 6:24 PM

elizaelectric Said:

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

works like a charm.

SERPENT7

THOUSAND OAKS/CA
Joined: 12/14/07
Posts: 1125

February 13th, 2008 - 10:37 PM

myheadphones Said:

elizaelectric Said:

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

works like a charm.

The problem with pulling this HS BS is that yo run the risk of sending mixed signals.

Jason_Funk

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 01/08/08
Posts: 675

February 13th, 2008 - 10:58 PM

MURDER FUCKING SUICIDE.

that is all.

- jason

aginginrhythm

SAN FRANCISCO/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 1912

February 13th, 2008 - 11:31 PM

alphadan Said:

elizaelectric Said:

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

Well, it's getting her to hang out with me again that's the problem at this point.

I gather that she would be open to hanging out with "no expectations." Give her reasons to like you while she becomes more "ready."

hathos

PORTLAND/OR
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 6223

February 14th, 2008 - 12:24 AM

DUDE, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT CHICK IN VERMONT? C'MON! STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH THE EX. I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: MAN THE FUCK UP

todger Said:

SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

oh, and for the above i award todger 3 points. that was beyond the arc

emilectrique

WOODBRIDGE/VA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 4841

February 14th, 2008 - 12:34 AM

text her a picture of your wang

Jason_Funk

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 01/08/08
Posts: 675

February 14th, 2008 - 12:50 AM

^ my second plan of action.

- jason

Frederaly

SOUTH LAKE TAHOE/CA
Joined: 02/12/08
Posts: 278

February 14th, 2008 - 6:08 AM

myheadphones Said:

elizaelectric Said:

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

works like a charm.

this doesnt always work... i did this once, and wound up hitting it of great with the girl i was seemingly trying to flirt with... hooked up with her, dated for almost a year... and now I hate her guts! i dont talk to the first girl anymore cuz of that...

id go with emile's idea... wangs are a womens best friend, fuck diamonds!

KarenJoy

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 17815

February 14th, 2008 - 7:30 AM

myheadphones Said:

elizaelectric Said:

hang out with her, flirt with another girl in front of her face but not in an obvious way. if she likes you, you'll see the jealousy and then its ok-go from there.

works like a charm.

Honestly, if I went on a date with someone and they started hitting on someone else, I wouldn't be jealous, I would be out. That is some High School bullshit tactics right there. Real women don't want that kind of drama. The girls who do are insecure and are looking for an asshole because they feel unworthy of something healthy and substantial.

SERPENT7

THOUSAND OAKS/CA
Joined: 12/14/07
Posts: 1125

February 14th, 2008 - 7:53 AM

KarenJoy Said:

Honestly, if I went on a date with someone and they started hitting on someone else, I wouldn't be jealous, I would be out. That is some High School bullshit tactics right there. Real women don't want that kind of drama. The girls who do are insecure and are looking for an asshole because they feel unworthy of something healthy and substantial.

Amen, sister!

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 14th, 2008 - 3:48 PM

hathos Said:

DUDE, WHAT HAPPENED TO THAT CHICK IN VERMONT? C'MON! STOP FUCKING AROUND WITH THE EX. I'VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I'LL SAY IT AGAIN: MAN THE FUCK UP

todger Said:

SHE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU

oh, and for the above i award todger 3 points. that was beyond the arc

This is the chick in Vermont. Trying to salvage that. We hooked up twice (2 sats ago and last sat), made plans for next Tues, then this Tues (2 days ago) she said that she was too "emotionally drained" to deal with anything resembling a relationship, which is what she thinks we are acting like.

Never expected to like her beyond hooking up with her once or twice, but somehow I ended up doing so.

Figure I'll send her an e-mail at some point tonight, and if she ignores it/doesn't reply/rejects it, then there's nothing else I can do, time to move on.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 14th, 2008 - 3:49 PM

(Actually, to be more accurate, we hooked up both Sundays, not both Saturdays, since nothing happened at night... we slept (literally slept) together, but nothing happened during the nights, stuff happened in the mornings both times)

lepetitemonstre

LONG BEACH/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 66

February 14th, 2008 - 4:08 PM

She said no already, so no.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 14th, 2008 - 6:39 PM

Hmm I'm much less eloquent in e-mail than in my head. Shit. Oh well.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 17th, 2008 - 8:40 AM

OK, why are women so unable to say something straight up?

This was her response (via AIM, to the e-mail):

"Hey I got your message
but I have plans on Tuesday"

Why doesn't she just say no? It isn't like she proposed some other time. Freakin obnoxious.

morta

SAN PEDRO/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 15250

February 17th, 2008 - 8:45 AM

DAN, SERIOUSLY, DON'T LET HER SHELVE YOU. YOU'RE WAY TOO CLASSY FOR THAT SHIT.

CAN I BEAT HER UP?

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 17th, 2008 - 8:52 AM

Only if I can film it.

alphadan

SOUTHBURY/CT
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 9491

February 17th, 2008 - 8:54 AM

So do I do the obvious and say "well, would you like to do it some other day" or do I just tell her to fuck off

SERPENT7

THOUSAND OAKS/CA
Joined: 12/14/07
Posts: 1125

February 17th, 2008 - 6:18 PM

alphadan Said:

So do I do the obvious and say "well, would you like to do it some other day" or do I just tell her to fuck off

Option "A"
Always be nice, man. The 'fuck-off' is generally an ego save anyway, and nobody needs that kind of childishness. (You are an adult, so don't think of it as a rejection of you personally. Besides, if she was good enough to get you interested in the first place, she is good enough to be cool to, even if it perma-ends.)

TalkinPonies

OMAHA/NE
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 770

February 17th, 2008 - 8:54 PM

emilectrique Said:

text her a picture of TalkinPonies' wang

A+

drunkenough

CHICAGO/IL
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 5473

February 17th, 2008 - 9:54 PM

i believe that she probably still likes her ex boyfriend, or still thinks about him a lot, or you remind her of him, or something like that.
its not that she doesnt like you, probably.

she probably just needs a little bit of time to get over it

if you wanna stay on good terms, you should respond like, "alrighty, well just gimme a call if you wanna hang out again sometime"

there is less pressure that way, compared to "would you like to do it some other day"- thats not good. youd be putting pressure on her to plan something, which could stress her out. its better to just leave it up to her, so if she does feel like hanging out it would be not a big deal and not a formal thing, more of a last minute and her decision. does that make sense?

thewickerman

VANCOUVER
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7448

February 18th, 2008 - 9:49 AM

I don't know, man. Not trying to bum you out or anything, but I don't think she's really that into you.

"Hey I got your message
but I have plans on Tuesday"

Don't even reply to that.

CMaureen

GENESEO/NY
Joined: 02/18/08
Posts: 68

February 18th, 2008 - 9:59 AM

thewickerman Said:

I don't know, man. Not trying to bum you out or anything, but I don't think she's really that into you.

"Hey I got your message
but I have plans on Tuesday"

Don't even reply to that.

I wouldn't reply either. You've already put it out there that you're interested in seeing her again, so if she wants to she can contact you.

KarenJoy

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 17815

February 18th, 2008 - 10:48 AM

You put it out there. Now it's up to her. I would just surrender to whatever may happen and leave the ball in her court.

thewickerman

VANCOUVER
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7448

February 18th, 2008 - 11:05 AM

Also, not trying to discourage you again ...

... but I think that ball will be in her court for awhile. If not awhile, from now on.

But whatever. She sounds like a waste of time.

No offence.

lepetitemonstre

LONG BEACH/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 66

February 18th, 2008 - 11:28 AM

thewickerman Said:

Also, not trying to discourage you again ...

... but I think that ball will be in her court for awhile. If not awhile, from now on.

But whatever. She sounds like a waste of time.

No offence.

This.