Makeoutclub - Boards

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7281

August 2nd, 2008 - 9:55 PM

I am here to hear your sins.
Confess.

Tonight's Topic: Awkward Sex.
This can be awkward moments before, during, or after sex - it could even be something so awkward that no sex ended up happening as a result, or anything awkward remotely associated with sex.

Points for incredible awkwardness worthy of pity.

GO!

HectorXDelgado

OUT ON AN ISLAND
Joined: 07/04/08
Posts: 1918

August 2nd, 2008 - 9:56 PM

gibby

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7281

August 2nd, 2008 - 10:06 PM

For crashing my thread, I demand a story out of you. This thread is only as sad as we make it. So make it happen.

idunnolols

CORONA/CA
Joined: 12/01/07
Posts: 3504

August 2nd, 2008 - 10:08 PM

i dumped a load on the bathroom floor the other day then steped in it.. sliped and tweeked my back a lil.... thats about as interesting as my sex has been in months

bradarad

NEWTONVILLE/MA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 6215

August 2nd, 2008 - 10:26 PM

uh, well... i lost my virginity at 17 in a red VW bus with a girl i knew for 20 minutes while at a commune in the backwoods of oregon. i totally lied and told her she was my third. prior to this event, a dozen or so of us were piled into the same VW bus watching TRUE LIES at a drive in theater.

when i was 12, on a camping trip with my father, stepmother, and brother in nova scotia, i got my first blowjob from a girl i met at the campground. it was in a tent, next to her friend who pretended she was asleep. she had just graduated high school, and told me flat out "i'm only doing this because i just broke up with my boyfriend and his name is brad too." when she asked if i had done this before, i naturally told her it was my third time.
we were interrupted by my parents walking through the campground with flashlights yelling my name. i got lots of "ooooooooh!"s from the next group over as i stumbled out of the tent. and i listened to LL Cool J's "Mama Said Knock You Out" on cassette after because, well, there was really no better album in existence at the time.

EnderWiggin

LAKE FOREST/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 8934

August 2nd, 2008 - 11:35 PM

HectorXDelgado Said:

SECOND EPIC WIN OF THE NIGHT

youth

GAITHERSBURG/MD
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2681

August 2nd, 2008 - 11:48 PM

brads a pimp! i thought boys thought girls had cooties at 12

1. "the one who got away" and i started to, he came early, without even poking. we got ice cream and a condom and went at it again and halfway through he said he couldnt do it cause he wasnt over his last girl.

2. once i asked if we could pretend that it never happened with a friend. and he wholeheartedly agreed.

3. a bf (now "THE ex") popped my cherry with his fingers at age 15. we thought it was menstrual blood. we waited to sex till 16 too.

lipsticnbruises

GOLETA/CA
Joined: 04/28/08
Posts: 165

August 3rd, 2008 - 2:42 AM

my dad walked in on me and a guy hooking up on their living room couch. His hands up my shirt and my hands down south. I didn't say a thing and he wandered back down the hall. We took off in the guys truck to finish and my dad calls to ask me where I went. There was no recovering.

jubs

SANFORD/FL
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 4979

August 3rd, 2008 - 3:31 AM

i lost mine on a bathroom floor.
there were people banging on the door, and dasha was on her period

HectorXDelgado

OUT ON AN ISLAND
Joined: 07/04/08
Posts: 1918

August 3rd, 2008 - 5:18 AM

gibby Said:

For crashing my thread, I demand a story out of you. This thread is only as sad as we make it. So make it happen.

that was KD Lang's sad sex story, it boned ACE.

burning_monk

BRONX/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 11423

August 3rd, 2008 - 4:50 PM

logged in and just typed out about four stories. hit POST and am logged out with no posting taking place.

gibby

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7281

August 3rd, 2008 - 4:54 PM

burning_monk Said:

logged in and just typed out about four stories. hit POST and am logged out with no posting taking place.

FUCK.

We are working to get this fixed --- happened to me too.

obsessiverobot

ALBANY/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 60

August 3rd, 2008 - 5:13 PM

A couple weeks ago, I woke up naked in the abandoned apartment in my building.

Imaginary_Grace

CHATSWORTH/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 18131

August 3rd, 2008 - 5:20 PM

obsessiverobot Said:

A couple weeks ago, I woke up naked in the abandoned apartment in my building.

I think there is another word for this story...

Imaginary_Grace

CHATSWORTH/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 18131

August 3rd, 2008 - 5:27 PM

This story is NOT my story, but it's hilarious, so I must tell....

My friend Charlie was bonering this girl, and when they finished, she got up and went to the bathroom....When he noticed she had left him a little treat on his sheets (a pooplet).

He didn't want to embarrass her, so when she came back and asked why he took the sheets off of his bed, he said it was laundry day, and continued to actually do all of his laundry to keep up the lie.

The way the story came up was even funnier....We were talking about why a friend of mine and him hated each other..And he was like "redacted is mad because I hooked up with the girl he liked...Maybe he wouldnt be so mad if I told him she shit on my bed"

gravytrain009

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 5188

August 3rd, 2008 - 7:47 PM

irl lol@pooplet
also, DW to see Michael's stories
(also also, I have been having the logout problem and hope this goes through)

whoopsmak

MINNEAPOLIS/MN
Joined: 05/18/07
Posts: 1611

August 3rd, 2008 - 7:55 PM

gravytrain009 Said:

irl lol@pooplet
also, DW to see Michael's stories
(also also, I have been having the logout problem and hope this goes through)

Martha has heard my one akward sex story.

vanusempty

HARRISONBURG/VA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 3935

August 3rd, 2008 - 7:55 PM

i lost my virginity to mike.
it was not awkward at all, though.

cicada

ST. JAMES INFIRMARY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7182

August 3rd, 2008 - 7:57 PM

my normally very calm and passive laborador got all aggravated and bro'ed out one time while this guy was sexing me from behind a little roughly. i guess it was the yelling and hair-pulling or something, but my dog full-on MOUNTED the guy and like bit his neck and started aggressively humping and growling. it was lulz and we did not finish the sexing. that is an understatemet, fer sure. yay, my dog.

Imaginary_Grace

CHATSWORTH/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 18131

August 3rd, 2008 - 8:04 PM

cicada Said:

my normally very calm and passive laborador got all aggravated and bro'ed out one time while this guy was sexing me from behind a little roughly. i guess it was the yelling and hair-pulling or something, but my dog full-on MOUNTED the guy and like bit his neck and started aggressively humping and growling. it was lulz and we did not finish the sexing. that is an understatemet, fer sure. yay, my dog.

This has happened to me, too...

GD dogs being all possessive.

gravytrain009

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 5188

August 3rd, 2008 - 8:36 PM

whoopsmak Said:

gravytrain009 Said:

irl lol@pooplet
also, DW to see Michael's stories
(also also, I have been having the logout problem and hope this goes through)

Martha has heard my one akward sex story.

And it is exactly what I was thinking about when I read the thread title.

gnome

WACO/TX
Joined: 11/27/07
Posts: 1528

August 3rd, 2008 - 8:51 PM

this is a distant cousin of what i should post here,
but,

i was helping my friend move out of her bf's apt.
Sorting through the laundry, she picks up this giant pile of clothes from beside the bed (apartment is a COMPLETE shithole, felt like a zombie movie, electricity turned off, water running, food leaking out the bottom of the refrigerator, cigarette ash all over everything, using a flashlight to clean shit out of the bathroom, random panties of unknown heritage with dickholes in them).

So she plops down this giant pile of clothes,
and the most enormous stench overtakes the room.

underneath it was a pile of about 3 months of used condoms.

dried up nasty used condoms.

anyway, i helped her fold all the rest of the laundry.

gravytrain009

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 5188

August 3rd, 2008 - 9:08 PM

This is the best I can think of at the moment (it only involves me indirectly for one). Yesterday I couldn't think of anything, so maybe by Tuesday I'll come up with a real gem.

So one of my old roommates, her boyfriend was in the navy and was stationed about 4 hours away. They only got to see each other every other month or so, so when he was in town she would basically disappear for a few days. But this one time they decided they were going to fix me up with one of his roommates, and the weekend became one long double date.

The four of us plus our other roommate were hanging out in our suite in the dorm in the common room taking turns playing Mario Kart 64. I think we were all supposed to go out to dinner or something, but for whatever reason everyone was being indecisive. I think her boyfriend was whining about wanting to play WoW or something. Then he started doing some not-so-subtle gesturing. They both stood up and walked into her and my other roommate's bedroom and shut the door. About one Mario Kart 3-lap race later they returned, the boyfriend said it was time for us all to go get dinner, and then loudly said something like "OH YEAH I HIT THAT" to his roommate.

gnome

WACO/TX
Joined: 11/27/07
Posts: 1528

August 3rd, 2008 - 9:27 PM

OH

so, it was my friend's birthday, two days after her suicide attempt that i got to pull intervention on.
weird day, lots of vodka.

i had planned to stay the night and babysit but my friend's very insistent, very drunk roommate kicked me the fuck out.
However, two other guys were staying the night to "keep an eye on things".

so everyone goes to bed, and my friend is suddenly woken up by a hand brushing down her back.
it's not long before she realizes that her two best male friends
are having sex
in her bed
right beside her.

the tryst was broken off when she freaked out again (her meds were FUCKED UP at this point) and sliced open an artery in the bathroom. Luckily one of the hastily-dressed best friends is also an EMT, so things ended up semi-ok (i.e. not dead)

anyway.
that was kind of a bizarre night.

rkb

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 639

August 3rd, 2008 - 9:47 PM

This girl pink bellied me while we were hooking up:

Story to come at 11 [aka tomorrow, i'm tired.]

EnderWiggin

LAKE FOREST/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 8934

August 4th, 2008 - 12:26 AM

I had sex in my parent's pool with my girlfriend at the time.

Of course, my mom and sister came home early about half way through, and thought it was REALLY SUPER CUTE that we were hugging as we said "hi."

My mom kept trying to extend the conversation, clearly not getting what was going on, and before long my sister had to distract her and get her to go in the house.

cicada

ST. JAMES INFIRMARY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7182

August 4th, 2008 - 7:44 AM

i was debating whether i should post this last night, but after three shots of espresso, it seems like a good idea! oh...eternal moc-stigma here i come! it happened 10 years ago, though? ahahaha my boyfriend's curved barbell libret got caught on my captive ball VCH in the dark and we, ummm, required my roommate's assistance to get untangled. definitely deserves pity, right?

i have like one billion of these stories and i will continue contributing throughout the day. NO, moc. thank YOU.

aubs

UTICA/MI
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7221

August 4th, 2008 - 8:15 AM

i love my vcard last sept... finally.

to my brother's best friend.

but thats not the story....

about a month later i hooked up with one my friends and he got SUPER attatched...

he was at the bar bitching to the guy i lost it to and calling me a whore....

so i SCREAMED across at him in the bar "get the fuck over it, it was a one night stand and you were terrible!"....

the whole bar got quiet and my friends started cheering...

it wasn't during sex but it still made my life awkward for about a month.

beardofdoom

SEMINOLE/FL
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2709

August 4th, 2008 - 9:18 AM

so i was crushing on this chick nancy. she worked at a bar in the neighborhood from my old bar and was friends with my coworker. she used to come in a lot and we flirted all the time, and i was looking for the opportunity to make a move. so one night she comes in. i had taken the gre that morning and i was in the mood to celebrate. so the night goes on, and she's not leaving, just sitting at the bar, talking to me. finally, it starts to wind down, and she says "wanna come over to my place. i have an NES and i want to play duck hunt." SWEET!! so i follow her in my car to her house, and we play some games and watch tv. it's getting late, and she invites me to sleep over. SCORE. so we get undressed and get in bed, and all of a sudden, she's out like a light. and then, she starts snoring. and not like, a little petite snore. or even a lumberjack snore. it was the grossest snore i've ever heard. it sounded like a sinus full of goop gurgling and whistling. words cannot describe this noise. so i'm trying to sleep, but it's not happening. so i kind of nudge her to wake her up, "nancy. babe, you're snoring." "sorry", then she rolls over and traps me under her arm, the snore machine inches from my face. at which point she passes out. like will not rouse. so, i very deftly slipped out from under her arm, then jammed a pillow up under it, so she wouldn't know i was gone. that's right, i indiana jones-ed that shit. then i made a run for the door, locking it from the inside as i left.

it's a shame, because she was really cute, but i think she was too embarassed/pissed at me to see me again.

Lacking

ROSEVILLE/CA
Joined: 02/06/08
Posts: 418

August 4th, 2008 - 10:10 AM

the first time i sexed I went at it for 2 hours.
started cramping up, so faked it and spent an hour in the bath tub wondering why sex is such a huge horrible let down.