Makeoutclub - Boards

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 6th, 2008 - 5:16 PM

coasting:

s licked by
o utbursts of ardor, I'm sliding
u nder the borders by
t rain tonight.
h eld; finger
b etwixt finger; palm
o nto palm, we're sliding
u nder blankets tonight -
n evermind - it's
d ay. the

w eek ends, but in
e levated
e mergence -- the
k ind of
e loquence that embraces
n octurnally quilted
d ays.

discostu

Montreal
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 19966

September 6th, 2008 - 5:18 PM

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 6th, 2008 - 5:19 PM

hey c'mon now...

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 6th, 2008 - 5:20 PM

if anybody would like to read more please ask!

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 6th, 2008 - 5:21 PM

http://p.s. that girl has a nice ass so w/e !
jk
i'm a little upset you called me an attention whore in my poetry thread...

plus i'm drunk and my feelings get hurt more easily.

bradarad

NEWTONVILLE/MA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 5858

September 6th, 2008 - 5:57 PM

bradarad

NEWTONVILLE/MA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 5858

September 6th, 2008 - 5:58 PM

burning_monk

BRONX/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 11065

September 6th, 2008 - 6:03 PM

a haiku for you

i tried to squash beef
then i posted poetry
the beef is too big

cicada

ST. JAMES INFIRMARY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7145

September 6th, 2008 - 6:09 PM

hackneyed vocabulary, forced line breaks, artifice, gimmick. no.

crumbs

ROCHESTER/NY
Joined: 08/15/07
Posts: 1312

September 6th, 2008 - 6:11 PM

burning_monk Said:

a haiku for you

i tried to squash beef
then i posted poetry
the beef is too big

lololol

oompie

FLINT/MI
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 356

September 6th, 2008 - 6:37 PM

youknow Said:

i also promise to start posting "A+ content"

tofuhero

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 703

September 6th, 2008 - 6:46 PM

Imaginary_Grace

CHATSWORTH/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 18053

September 6th, 2008 - 7:41 PM

I liked it

tofuhero

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 703

September 6th, 2008 - 8:07 PM

it's not terrible, and youknow put threw herself into the lion's den – lions that have already been taunted – by posting personal stuff. but it could use some reworking... the line breaks are arbitrary as cicada mentioned, and there are some non-sequiturs that are probably due to trying to force the first words of lines into certain letters. but i've read a lot worse.

i think Grace it was more the 'why' than the 'what'

Imaginary_Grace

CHATSWORTH/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 18053

September 6th, 2008 - 8:14 PM

tofuhero Said:

i think Grace it was more the 'why' than the 'what'

huh

tofuhero

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 703

September 6th, 2008 - 9:21 PM

Imaginary_Grace Said:

tofuhero Said:

i think Grace it was more the 'why' than the 'what'

huh

yeah, that ain't really fair is it.

youknow, keep on postin.

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 7th, 2008 - 8:55 AM

here's one for those who AREN'T haters.

synthetic cubism:

we're concrete like paper colle --
stylistic discontinuties make us unceasing.
and what would we be if not a collage of artifacts,
of saviour faire,
of frabric(ated) presentiments?

if it wasn't for incongruity,
and jazzed edges,
we'd be lackluster.

yet i'm convinced we're not
when you say in a voice so sotto voce,
"i know you're it,"
but a canvas so stentorian.

JoanJettofArc

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/25/07
Posts: 2728

September 7th, 2008 - 9:09 AM

here we go again....

holy_cannoli

NEW YORK/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 3584

September 7th, 2008 - 10:21 AM

LOL BRAD'S COMIC IS STRIP IS A+

CMRuiz

SEATTLE/WA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 7687

September 7th, 2008 - 10:29 AM

published?

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 7th, 2008 - 12:38 PM

no i've never tried to be published.

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 7th, 2008 - 12:42 PM

just another olive:

Leather apartments and cashmere sweaters.
And there you stand,
cracked plastic with a crystal glass in your hand.
"Would you care for another olive
in your martini?"

i dunno, i wrote these a while ago.
i think they are good.

Church

Hordaland,Bergen/Long beach,California
Joined: 06/23/08
Posts: 1782

September 7th, 2008 - 12:50 PM

one two buckle my shoe...

Stop!!!

how does one buckle a shoe?

a query.

-p

i just thought of that one

bradarad

NEWTONVILLE/MA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 5858

September 7th, 2008 - 12:51 PM

i'm biased because i hate all poetry. so i can't and won't comment on whether this is "good" or not.

ALL POETRY. HATE IT.

golden_bats

SAGINAW/MI
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 706

September 7th, 2008 - 12:52 PM

not bad at all.
i quite like them actually.

you can read my stuff here if you'd like: http://cuntsss.deviantart.com/

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 7th, 2008 - 12:54 PM

golden_bats Said:

not bad at all.
i quite like them actually.

you can read my stuff here if you'd like: http://cuntsss.deviantart.com/]http://cuntsss.deviantart.com/[/url]]http://cuntsss.deviantart.com/]http://cuntsss.deviantart.com/[/url][/url]

thank you very much!

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 7th, 2008 - 12:57 PM

[b]thirty nine versus clasping:[/b]

in this flight,
Love,
purse-sized hands
are
carry-on luggage
&,
for once,
unsynthetic felt.

tofuhero

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 703

September 7th, 2008 - 1:06 PM

youknow Said:

here's one for those who AREN'T haters.

synthetic cubism:

we're concrete like paper colle --
stylistic discontinuties make us unceasing.
and what would we be if not a collage of artifacts,
of saviour faire,
of frabric(ated) presentiments?

if it wasn't for incongruity,
and jazzed edges,
we'd be lackluster.

yet i'm convinced we're not
when you say in a voice so sotto voce,
"i know you're it,"
but a canvas so stentorian.

Well this one is a lot better than the last.

Do you have a separate poetry brain? Because this brain seems better; or at least it has a thesaurus. You should use this one FULL TIME

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 7th, 2008 - 1:10 PM

it's not like i'm THAT bad...
i'm only joking around.

i truly don't get why people all of a sudden started to hate me.

cause i posted pictures of myself?
ridic.

& no, no "seperate poetry brain". it's obviously all one brain, thank you very much.

i'll try to be SMARTER on the MESSAGEBOARD.

youknow

BROOKLYN/NY
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 2332

September 7th, 2008 - 1:16 PM

also:

golden_bats

SAGINAW/MI
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 706

September 7th, 2008 - 1:53 PM

eyesssssss

tofuhero

LOS ANGELES/CA
Joined: 04/24/07
Posts: 703

September 7th, 2008 - 2:01 PM

youknow Said:

i'm only joking around.